Ready?
by Laura Scofield
Summary: Dannyl expresses his fears to Tayend about his behaviour. But Dannyl has problems of his own - is he ready to commit himself fully to Tayend? Or will he always be holding back? 1st in a 4 part fic series. Dannyl/Tayend


**Ready?**

Tayend had been drunk when it happened last night. Dannyl sighed wearily as he recalled the previous night's events. He felt extremely uneasy as he mulled over what had occurred. It didn't help that he had barely slept at all last night. Now, sitting at his desk and composing a letter to Administrator Lorlen, he found that his mind kept wandering. He finally gave up. Dropping his pen, he ran his hands through his hair in dismay. He allowed his thoughts to relive last night…

Dannyl had come to pay Tayend a visit at the Library. When he arrived Irrand let him in, explaining that Tayend was out and should be back soon. Dannyl thanked Irrand, and made his way into the cosy study room which he and Tayend used to work together in. He was disappointed that the scholar wasn't here. Usually, it was he who answered the door, flashing Dannyl that endearing grin as he welcomed him in. So Dannyl absently flicked through a book as he waited for his lover to return.

An hour later, Tayend staggered into the room. When he caught sight of Dannyl, he grinned, but it was the over-confident grin he wore when he had drunk a lot. As he closed the door, Dannyl took in the sight of him with a familiar pang of both longing and jealousy.

Tayend was dressed in tightly-fitted trousers and jacket, both midnight blue in colour. His ruffled white shirt had the top button open, revealing a tantalising display of pale neck. His red-blond hair, still loosely bound by a golden ribbon, shone vibrantly despite the modest lighting in the room. To Dannyl, Tayend was, without a doubt, the most beautiful man in the world. And the mere thought of other men gaping at his lover made him feel rather angry. Especially when Tayend dressed up so becomingly like this, Dannyl was certain that the scholar proved quite a tease for his admirers.

Tayend stood by the door, still wearing a look of boldness. "Dannyl!" he exclaimed in an enthusiastic voice. "I'm sorry; I hope you haven't been waiting long. I thought I'd be back ages ago, but the party was _so_ much better than I'd anticipated…" A wistful look clouded his face, as he flopped himself down on a chair.

Dannyl had already accepted that Tayend should be allowed to enjoy himself. It was perfectly understandable. But tonight, Dannyl was feeling annoyed at the scholar's flippant behaviour. He replied stiffly, "I'm sure it didn't take you long to attract the attention of a number of guests."

To Dannyl's irritation, Tayend smiled more enthusiastically, making his face appear even lovelier. "Oh yes! I barely had a moment to myself all evening! Dem Darend in particular was rather keen to keep me company. _Very_ handsome man, I daresay. Although his hands did start to wander when I accompanied him on a walk through the gardens…" Tayend laughed at Dannyl's shocked expression. "Don't worry, I stopped him. He had just been admiring my hair, and ran his fingers down my ponytail. But his hand continued gliding down to my lower back, and he leant in to whisper in my ear. He told me I was looking positively ravishing tonight, but I'd look even better stretched out _naked_ _on his_ _bed_. Can you believe the cheek of him? Well, I can tell you I had to be very firm to stop him groping me, and assure him I was already in a relationship. Poor fellow looked rather dejected, I must say". Tayend frowned slightly as he noticed Dannyl's distressed expression. "What's wrong Dannyl?" he asked.

Dannyl's heart was racing frantically. The thought of another man's greedy hands all over his beloved Tayend… and the indecent intentions such men no doubt had for him…

"Tayend!" The magician said sharply. "Don't you understand how difficult it is for me to know these men are pursuing you?"

Tayend looked startled now. "But Dannyl!" You know… I'd never,_ ever, _be unfaithful to you! I wouldn't dream of it! You're the only man I want. But I can't help if I'm followed by some stray admirers at parties and such!"

Dannyl felt exasperated. Didn't Tayend realise the danger he was continually putting himself in? "Tayend," he attempted to sound patient. "What happens if one of these men takes advantage of you? You could be drunk and as a result not be thinking reasonably. But even if you did fight back, he'd likely be a lot stronger than you."

Tayend swallowed. What Dannyl said was true - although he didn't like having to face up to it. Perhaps he really should take more care. After all, Dannyl only ever had his best interests at heart. "Of course you're right my love. I- I'll be a lot more wary from now on, and… I suppose I won't drink quite so much."

Dannyl gave a relieved sigh. He smiled affectionately at his lover and replied sincerely, "Thank you".

Tayend felt an overwhelming tide of desire for the magician. He was probably the only man who _truly_ cared about Tayend, and concerned for his wellbeing. Dannyl always showed the utmost respect for him, and didn't openly stare at him with lust the way some other men did. And there he was, sitting only a few steps away - his eyes full of worry and his mouth set in a firm line. Heart beating wildly in his chest, Tayend suddenly wanted to express to Dannyl that he was for him alone. Standing up, he walked slowly over to the magician, a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

Dannyl was taken aback by the young man's abrupt actions. "What are you d- ", he began to ask, before Tayend had gripped his hands tightly on Dannyl's shoulders, and bent over to kiss him. Tayend was feeling particularly daring, no doubt due to all that wine he drank earlier, and it was the most intense kiss Dannyl had ever experienced. Soon he was caught up in a frenzy of Tayend's soft lips, and the scholar's skilful tongue playing with his own. He felt himself moan deeply into his lover's mouth.

Exhilarated by Dannyl's obvious pleasure, Tayend impulsively sat himself down on him, his legs straddled on either side of the magician's lap. Dannyl was startled and pulled him mouth away from Tayend's. They had never gone _this far_ before, and Dannyl was starting to tremble with nervousness. But Tayend knew that deep down, this was what Dannyl craved, and all he needed was to get past his fear of intimacy. It had been well over a year now, after all, and Dannyl was still holding back.

Tayend wrapped his arms around Dannyl's neck, and soothingly stroked the back of his head. Moving his own head forward, he nuzzled into the older man's neck, lightly kissing and nibbling it. The magician's breath was ragged as he tenderly enfolded Tayend's slender body in his arms. The heat of his body felt wonderful under Dannyl's fingers, his hot eager mouth sending waves of pleasure rippling through him. When Tayend slid his tongue into the hollow at his throat, Dannyl shuddered with pure bliss and firmly gripped the scholar's supple legs. Aroused by his lover's reaction, Tayend rubbed his body up against Dannyl's, who gave a sharp gasp. Laughing softly, the scholar continued caressing Dannyl's hair, and went back to kissing him passionately.

Dannyl's thoughts were a wild mix of desire and alarm. He wanted more than anything to make love with this exquisite creature. But another strong emotion was pushing against this - fear. He wasn't _really_ ready to go through with this - was he?

Tayend hastily pulled back to remove his jacket. Before Dannyl could voice a protest, the younger man was fumbling with his robes, untying the tight sash. His nimble fingers had it undone in seconds. He spread the robes open, and started getting to work untucking and unbuttoning Dannyl's shirt. Tayend's breathing was rapid and he emitted regular low moans of delight. He undid each of the shirt buttons, gently kissing Dannyl's warm chest as he did so. As his teasing lips trailed downwards, Dannyl impulsively unfurled the ribbon and slid his hands through the younger man's luxuriously soft hair. Making a low growl in his throat, Tayend eagerly caressed the magician's naval with his tongue, and travelled even lower. He playfully rubbed his nose against the fine, dark line of hair on Dannyl's stomach.

All of a sudden, Tayend decided to move into a more comfortable position, in order to carry out what he planned to do next. He slid his legs off from around Dannyl, and kneeled on the floor in front of the magician. Dannyl looked confused, but Tayend lovingly pushed him back into the chair. The young man tenderly pulled Dannyl's legs apart. Lowering his head ardently into Dannyl's lap, he started unbuttoning his trousers…

The stark realisation of what Tayend was about to do hit Dannyl, like a drenching of ice cold water. Suddenly he felt acutely aware of being sat in a chair; with his lover kneeling before him, head in his lap, eagerly trying to pleasure Dannyl with his mouth…

It was simply too much for Dannyl to deal with. He rapidly pushed Tayend away and stood up. The scholar's startled expression wounded Dannyl. But as he stared at that beautiful face, Dannyl was glad that he hadn't allowed him to go any further. He couldn't bear to think of that perfect mouth performing such a degrading act. As he gazed into the younger man's wide, innocent blue eyes, he felt relieved he prevented him from committing something that seemed so impure.

"I- I'm sorry Dannyl!" Tayend flustered. His cheeks were burning as he drew back, wrapping his arms around himself protectively. The scholar's previous confidence and control were now replaced with uncertainty. Dannyl was struck by how young and delicate he appeared. "Was I- was I doing something wrong? Or did- did you want me to do it differently?" Tayend was hurt that Dannyl had so abruptly ended their intimate passion. But he also felt anxious in case he had not been as competent as Dannyl had expected.

Dannyl was horrified that Tayend thought he had pulled away due to his displeasure with the younger man's performance. He quickly replied as he buttoned up his shirt, "Oh no! Tayend, you're an absolutely wonderful lover… it's just that I- I'm not ready for this!" Dannyl felt out of breath and very uncomfortable.

"Perhaps… we could talk about it?"

All of a sudden, Dannyl found that he couldn't bear to be near Tayend right now. It pained him to watch the scholar's confusion. And he wasn't able to face the inevitable questions Tayend would ask, in an attempt to understand how he could help Dannyl feel more at ease when they were intimate. Retying his sash, he replied firmly, "I really should be getting back now." He moved forward to give Tayend a swift kiss on the cheek, before bidding him goodnight.

As he hurried out of the Library, heart still pounding against his chest with panic, he kept recalling Tayend's dejected face as he left him. Tears sprang unbidden to his eyes. Hastily wiping them away, he wondered if he'd _ever_ be ready…

_(This took a lot of time and effort to write, so I'd be VERY thankful for any feedback :D _

_And the sequel fics to this fic start with _**Desperate Times**_, then **Desperate Measures**, and the final part will be **Trust Me**)  
_


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